So before Hunter Biden was convicted in his gun case, his defense found an unexpected ally, the Second Amendment. You know, the thing Democrats hate more than soap.
Last week, in a last-ditch effort, Hunter sought to have the charges against him dropped because the questionnaire he filled out violated his Second Amendment rights. Hunter’s legal team argued Asking him if he was a drug addict was unconstitutional, and the state had no right to violate his Second Amendment rights simply because he was a little high, and by a little high I don’t mean George Stephanopoulos. I mean, enough coke that even Scarface would recommend rehab.
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Still, the defense has a point. So why is it unconstitutional? Well, they argued that historical drug laws cannot go so far as to justify disarming a sober citizen based solely on past drug use. And that, sorry, makes sense. Is it constitutional for the government to take away a person’s Second Amendment rights based on an interpretation of a subjective standard? An addict is subjective.
Hunter Biden arrives at federal court with his wife, Melissa Cohen Biden, Tuesday, June 11, 2024, in Wilmington, Del. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)
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Besides, you don’t lose First Amendment rights for using drugs, so why would you lose the Second Amendment? It’s a preconditioned right, a higher right of the law that displaces lower laws when they come into conflict. So let’s forget about Hunter, the same law prevents an injured vet who uses cannabis for pain from exercising his right to self-defense. Imagine a man in recovery now owning guns. Should he go to jail? Never mind that this decision prevents people from going to treatment or getting mental health help. I need it. Just reading this.
Now, did Hunter break the law? Sure, but it’s an unjust law. So you might disagree with me, but you really disagree with the Second Amendment. It shouldn’t be violated. That’s it. But if this sounds familiar to you, you should pay attention to our own Kat Timpf. Run a flashback, flashback man.
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Kat Timpf, June 4: You could instead argue that it’s not constitutional, because the Second Amendment doesn’t have an exception for if you’re addicted to something. So you could argue that their Second Amendment rights are being violated, which would be funny if Joe Biden asked the court to make that argument.
Hmm. Kat’s next book. The rules say, you can only clap for me during the monologue. But Kat’s next book has to be called: How I Tried to Keep Hunter Out of Jail. But imagine that, the son of a Democrat president suddenly wearing an NRA hat. They say politics makes strange bedfellows. Well, for the sake of the Second Amendment, I hope Hunter wore a condom. I don’t want the Second Amendment to have genital warts.
President Joe Biden embraces his son Hunter Biden as he arrives at the Delaware Air National Guard Base in New Castle, Delaware, June 11, 2024, following Hunter’s conviction on federal gun charges.
So, while This decision could be bad news for HunterIt’s also bad news for the Second Amendment. He was convicted of possessing a firearm as a drug user or addict. But there are plenty of Americans who fall into this vague category, but it gives Trump a golden opportunity to denounce it and put Democrats in a box. If Trump calls it unconstitutional and Democrats agree, they’re suddenly in favor of the Second Amendment, but if they don’t, it forces them to applaud the guilty verdict of the president’s son. I’m sure his father would love that.
So, what about the commander in the dirty underwear? He claimed he wouldn’t forgive Hunter, but he said the chances of Joe remembering him are less than the chances of Michael Loftus wearing his underwear. I’d say it’s just another one. I’d say it’s just another headache for Joe, but that admits he has feelings above the neckline. Here’s Joe at the Juneteenth event last night.
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Now that was Joe or Joe’s statue. If he had frozen any longer, Hamas protesters would have written “intifada” on his face. At this point, the best thing to do is unplug him, wait five minutes, then reboot before calling tech support. You want to hear some words? Here’s Joe, at a gun summit today. A gun control summit, he’s talking about you gun owners.
President Biden, June 11: Well, if they want to think that they have to take on the government, if we step out of line, which is what we’re talking about again, think about it, they need F-15s, they don’t need rifles.
What did he just say? I know what he said, but still. It’s not about what you want, dude. It’s your right to own a rifle. And yet, this is the guy who believed January 6th was an insurrection. Apparently, we shouldn’t worry because he has F-16s or F-15s. He’s fucked up. And so Joe’s approval ratings are dropping faster than Jerry Nadler’s boobs when his bra comes off.
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Even the Liberal election forecaster Nate Silver Suggesting the unthinkable: Biden should drop out, just like they did in ’88, when the Democrats chose a more marketable candidate, Michael Dukakis. Silver says, “Biden has hit a (new) all-time low in approval (37.4%)… Dropping out would be a big risk, but there are certain thresholds below which continuing to run is a big risk… Democrats would have been better off if Biden had decided not to seek a second term a year ago… and given voters a chance to have their say among a number of popular Democrats across the country.” Yeah, a number of popular Democrats, what? I hope Nate isn’t filling out a gun application anytime soon because apparently he’s drunk too.
Who do they have? This guy? Oh, he looks like the tennis pro who gave the whole country club chlamydia. This Chuckle Monster? I’ve seen whoopee cushions deeper than this. This guy? As transportation secretary, he only transported illegal immigrants on midnight flights. Speaking of shallow benches, they make “Fox and Friends” look like the Supreme Court. So what is Joe thinking?
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Tom Shillue, as Biden: No, no, no. Look, look, no, no, nobody’s backing down. I’m not going anywhere. It’s not like you do that. You. You’re going to beat me, you’ve got to run against me. Nobody wants to do it the right way. Who do they have? The California guy with the hair and the teeth. Come on. He’s the only one who likes him. And, we’ve got the VP lady, the snickering Kathy, good luck to her. And, the mayor guy, Judge Booty Pete. That can’t be me. Nobody respects him and it’s not because he’s gay, it’s because he’s not a real judge.
