- The Pew Research Center reports that 58% of teens use TikTok every day, with 17% of them saying their TikTok use is almost constant. Nearly half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram every day, with 14% and 8% using them almost constantly.
- Although there is growing concern about the impact of social media on child development, no regulations have yet been passed on the subject.
- Parental controls and child safety measures have been added to many social media platforms, but these small changes do not change the fact that these platforms were designed for adults, not children. There is no one “right way” to handle your child’s social media consumption.
At what age should children be on social media? Should they be on social media? If they aren’t, will they become social outcasts? Should parents monitor their conversations? Are parental controls effective?
Navigating social media as a parent — let alone a child — isn’t easy. Using social media platforms is still the default for most American teens, with the Pew Research Center reporting that 58% of teens are daily users of TikTok, 17% of whom self-identify as TikTok usage is almost constantNearly half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram daily, with each used almost constantly at 14% and 8%, respectively.
But parents — and even some teens — are becoming increasingly concerned about the effects of social media use on young people. Lawmakers have taken note and have held several congressional hearings on protecting children online. But despite apparent bipartisan unity, it takes time to create legislation and regulate companies. So far, no regulation has passed.
What should parents and teens do during this time? Here are some tips on staying safe, communicating, and setting boundaries on social media — for both kids and their parents.
Is 13 the magic age for social media?
Technically, there’s already a rule that prevents kids under 13 from using those platforms without parental consent: the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, which went into effect in 2000, before many of today’s teens were even born.
Its goal was to protect children’s online privacy by requiring websites and online services to disclose clear privacy policies and, among other things, obtain parental consent before collecting personal information from their children. To comply, social media companies have generally restricted children under the age of 13 from signing up for their services.
Parents – and even some teens themselves – are becoming concerned about the effects of social media use on youth. (AP Photo/Kiichiro Sato, File)
But times have changed and online privacy is no longer the only concern for children online. Children are at risk of abuse, harassment, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or worse.
For years, there’s been a push among parents, educators and tech experts to not give kids phones — and access to social media — until they’re older, such as the “Wait Until 8th” pledge, under which parents vow not to give their kids smartphones until 8th grade, or around age 13 or 14. Some wait even later, like until age 16 or 17.
But neither the social media companies nor the government have taken any concrete steps to increase the age limit.
If the law doesn’t restrict children, should parents do so?
“There’s not necessarily a magic age,” said Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at the nonprofit Common Sense Media. But, she added, “13 is probably not the best age for kids to get on social media.”
Currently proposed laws include a blanket ban on people under the age of 13 when it comes to social media. What’s the problem? There’s no easy way to verify a person’s age when signing up for apps and online services. And many of the apps popular among teens today were first created for adults. Companies have added some security measures over the years, but these are small changes, not a fundamental rethinking of the services, Elgersma said.
“Developers need to start making apps with kids in mind,” he said.
Some technical officials, Celebrities like Jennifer Garner And parents across all regions have resorted to banning their children from social media altogether. While this decision is a personal one that depends on each child and parent, some experts say this can lead to isolation for children, who may feel left out of activities and discussions with friends that take place on social media or chat services.
Another hurdle – children who have never been on social media will find themselves unable to navigate the platforms when they are suddenly given freedom upon turning 18.
talk, talk, talk
A more realistic and effective approach to social media, experts say, is gradual, intentional training that gives kids the tools and information they need to navigate a world where places like TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat are nearly impossible to escape.
“You can’t expect kids to just jump into the world of social media and learn to swim on their own,” said Natalie Bazarova, professor of communication and director of the Cornell Social Media Lab. “They need to be instructed.”
Start early, even earlier than you think. Elgersma suggests parents look at their children’s social media feeds with them before they’re old enough to be online and have an open discussion about what they see. How will your child handle a situation when their friend’s friend asks them to send a photo? Or if they see an article that makes them so angry they want to share it immediately?
For older kids, Elgersma says to approach them with curiosity and interest, “asking about their friends or not asking direct questions like, ‘What are you doing on Instagram?’ but rather, ‘Hey, I hear this influencer is really popular.’” And even if your child rolls their eyes it could be a window into what’s happening.
When your child is scrolling for a long time, don’t say things like, “Turn that thing off!”, says Jean Rodgers, director of the Screen Time Action Network at the nonprofit FairPlay.
“It’s not respectful. It’s not respectful that they have their whole lives and their whole world in that device,” Rogers said.
Instead, Rogers suggests asking them what they do on their phone, and see what your child is willing to share.
Kids also respond to parents and teachers “pulling back the curtains” on social media and the sometimes insidious tools companies use to keep people online and engaged, Elgersma said. Watch a documentary like “The Social Dilemma” that explores social media’s algorithms, dark patterns and dopamine feedback cycles. Or read with them about how Facebook and TikTok make money.
“Kids love to learn about these things and it will give them a feeling of power,” he said.
Setting Boundaries
Rogers says most parents have success with keeping their kids’ phones away overnight to reduce scrolling. Sometimes kids may try to stealthily return the phone, but it’s a strategy that works because kids need a break from screens.
“They have to make up some excuse to their peers for not being on the phone at night,” Rogers said. “They can blame their parents.”
Parents may need to set their own limits on phone use. Rogers said it’s helpful to let your child know what you’re doing when you have your phone, so they understand you’re not scrolling aimlessly through sites like Instagram. Tell your child you’re checking work email, looking up a dinner recipe or paying a bill, so they understand you’re not there just to have fun. Then let them know when you plan to put the phone away.
What about parental controls?
Child-oriented social media platforms have added a growing range of parental controls due to growing scrutiny over child safety. For example, Meta introduced parental monitoring tools last year that allow parents to set time limits, see who their child follows or who follows them, and allow them to track how much time minors spend on Instagram. Don’t let parents see the message content,
But like similar tools on other platforms like TikTok, the feature is optional and both kids and parents have to agree to use it. To get kids to agree to set up controls, Instagram sends teens a notice after they block someone, encouraging them to let their parents “monitor” their account. The idea is to get kids’ attention at a time when they’re more open to parental guidance.
Meta says that by making this feature optional it is attempting to strike a “balance between teens’ safety and autonomy,” as well as foster conversation between parents and their children.
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While such features could be useful for families where parents are already involved in their child’s online life and activities, for many, that’s not the reality, experts say.
U.S. Surgeon General Murthy said last year that it was unreasonable to expect parents to control their children’s actions because rapidly evolving technology was “fundamentally changing how their children think about themselves, how they form friendships, how they experience the world — and technology, by the way, that previous generations never had to manage.”
He said putting all of this burden on parents’ shoulders “isn’t fair at all.”
